HOW OUR COLLEGE ENGLISH TEACHER GOT IT ALL WRONG

 HOW OUR SCHOOL CHAPLAIN GOT IT ALL WRONG

When my batch entered Sacred Heart College Mankon-Bamenda in Form One,
the College Principal was the Rev. Brother John Phillips from Scotland
and the College Chaplain was the Rev. Father MacMahon from Ireland.

While Bro. John Phillips stayed as principal until we graduated from
Form Five, Father MacMahon left us somewhere along the line. I think
it was said that he continued his priesthood in Kenya. He was replaced
by the Rev. Father Terry Guilfedder, from Scotland like the principal.

Before Father MacMahon left, he had created a very strong impression on me. He was by built tall and stout to begin with, and was a man who stood for excellence. He was always very neat and each time he entered a classroom to teach, he would remove a handkerchief from his pocket, and without saying a word, he would hold it by the tip of one of its four corners and raise it above his head. We students understood that this was a signal for one of us to step forward, take it from him and wipe the teacher`s chair and table before he could place his bag and books on the table and start teaching.

Once during that our year in Form One, the Form Fours acted a play to the school in the auditorium in which Peter Nche played the role of Father MacMahon in his role as classroom teacher. Peter wore a priest`s white cassock which I suspect he actually borrowed from Father MacMahon. In the play, Peter entered the classroom in MacMahon fashion, carrying the priest`s kind of handbag under his armpit and as soon as he got to the table, he fetched the famous white handkerchief from his pocket and raised it by the tip, just like the chaplain always did. A load roar of laughter rang out in the hall from both students and staff, including Father MacMahon himself. It seems to me that everyone, including him, immediately realized that it was him Peter was impersonating.

Father Terry Guiffedder was of a very different sort. He was more of a students` friend than his predecessor. And he understood us very well. While Father MacMahon taught us English Language in Form One – and I think Form Two – Father Guilfedder taught us French in Form Four and English Language in Forms Four and Five. He really made us enjoy the English language because he made its pedagogy look like fun. When he asked a question and a student gave an answer that was not correct, he would simply wave at the student and say “Oh, go home!” Some of our Balinyongha classmates such as Ngwa Emmanuel Tahmundungnji and Tandiba Michael Fomutu translated those words into Mungaka (the Balinyongha language) and it sounded something like “Ghe ku njuh!” They were so fond of waving interlocutors during our informal chats outside of the classroom – just like Father Guilfedder - that some of us who were not from Bali also started using the Mungaka expression to each other in that manner.

On another occasion, Fr. Guilfedder was teaching us the descriptive essay in Form Four and asked us to imagine that we were somewhere in Mankon town: “What do you see in the town?” I raised my hand and when he said “yes!” to me I said “Please Father, I can see smartly-dressed prostitutes roaming the streets and looking for men”. There was a loud outburst from my classmates. In total disbelief at what he had heard, the man of God blocked his ears with his hands, made repeated steps towards me and retreated and said: “Oh! Really? You mean, of all the beautiful things you could see in the streets of Mankon Town, only prostitutes came to your mind?” From that day, my classmates added another nickname to the others they had given me. They called me the “smartly dressed prostitute”. Before that, they had been calling me “French” because they appreciated my performance in the subject. But it could not have been intelligence on my part because my story with mathematics was the exact opposite. Despite my indecency, the priest never insulted me nor punished me. Not surprisingly after he taught us English Language, because of his very good teaching methods, the school scored over 50 per cent in the subject at the GCE for the first time in many years – perhaps even since the founding of the school.

On the other hand, Father MacMahon was quick to insult us and threaten us. He used to call us “little cheeky puppies”. When he had a revision class with us just before we wrote our exams, he would sit at the table threateningly, thumb his fingers on the table and triumphantly announce: “Is there anything anyone wants to ask? Now is the time! Tomorrow there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth!? So, he had already prejudged us!

Father MacMahon lived in the first concrete house you get to on your right from Mankon town as you approach the Sacred Heart College campus. At the time behind it was a football field that had been constructed just for Form One students. The Vice Principal, the Rev. Brother Norbert who was also the Sports master organized a sports competition among Form One students which he code-named “Atoms”. So usually when we played on that pitch, Father MacMahon heard us from his house. He could even watch us play from one of his windows or standing in the back yard. Once when he was chastising us in class for over indulging in the use of Pidgin instead of speaking “good English”, he claimed that he was saying so because when he heard us playing from his house, we used to tell each other concerning the football: “Kickam! Kickam hard”. And that is exactly where I disagree with him because who among us spoke that kind of Pidgin English? We were more likely to say “Kickam strong” and not “kickam hard” as he claimed. Perhaps he picked that up while in Nigeria where he once served before coming to our school. Even so, is that the kind of English spoken in Nigeria?

SHOULD THE GROWTH OF MEN OF GOD BE CURBED

Here is an  article that was recently written by By Femi Aribisala and posted on <cameroon_politics@yahoogroups.com> by Greig Batey. I read it and found it very interesting. What are your views about it?

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 IS THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD A NIGERIAN PASTOR?

By Femi Aribisala

“I have houses in at least 188 countries in the world, so I am richer than Bill Gates.” (Adeboye).

Recently, a friend took me to the jewel-in-the-crown of the Redeemed Christian Church of God; a glitzy parish called “City of David” in Victoria Island, Lagos. Displayed resplendently on a wall in the church-office is a design of their current building project; a 14 storey architectural extravaganza titled “Trinity Towers.”

PASTOR ENOCH ADEBOYE

Is Redeemed still a church or is it now essentially a business concern? The Trinity Towers project shows the lines are now totally blurred. Jesus warns: “No one can serve two masters. You cannot serve both God and Money.” (Matthew 6:24). Nevertheless, this Tower of Babylon being built with church funds is designed both for the worship of God and for the worship of money.

The project is an appeal to crass commercialism; a blatant celebration of wealth. In this poverty-stricken Nigeria, the foundation of the building alone is expected to cost over 2 billion naira. Side-by-side with a 5,000 seat auditorium for church services are high-brow restaurants, cafeterias, indoor swimming pools, cinema halls, gymnasiums, retail shops, games arcades, lawn tennis courts, relaxation spots, and a helipad as the crowning glory. Of what relevance is all this “supermarket” in a church?

ANOINTING FOR CARNALITY

A church member, overwhelmed by the grandeur of it all, buttonholed me in the hallway. I did not know him from Adam, nevertheless, he held me hostage as he waxed lyrical about how the Redeemed Church was, to use his words: “taking over.” “We have already got the vice-presidency,” he said. (The vice-president of Nigeria is now a Redeemed pastor). “Next we will get the presidency,” he continued; “and then we will get DSTV;” (a South African satellite television network).

The anointing for this pride of life flows right from the top. The General Overseer of the Redeemed Church is Pastor Adeboye. A few years ago, he decided he needed a billion naira without which his “work of God” could not be done. So he confounded the Christian faith by establishing a “millionaire’s club.” To be a member, you had to hand over a million naira to him in Jesus’ name.

Thereafter, he upped the ante by calling for a “billionaire’s club.” He announced that he would be building an auditorium that can only be described as “fantabulous.” It would be a ginormous three kilometers in length and three kilometers in breadth. This project is clearly more designed to get Adeboye into the Guinness Book of World Records than it is to get the members of Redeemed into the kingdom of God.

Declared Adeboye on that occasion: “We need 1 billion naira from ten people. If you are one of them, please see my personal Secretary after we finish today.” Who are those likely to have this kind of money to give in the Nigeria of today except those who have cornered public funds? Thereafter, an announcer sought to know the members of the church who were “willing to join hands with our Father in the Lord to build a new auditorium to God’s glory.”

VANITY UPON VANITY

The proposed auditorium is not to the glory of God. The proposed auditorium is to the glory of Adeboye. Adeboye’s project is reminiscent of Saul’s, who built a monument to himself. (1 Samuel 15:12). Nowhere in the entire New Testament was money ever collected for putting up a building. Money was only collected for the poor. The temple of God is no longer a physical building. The temple of God is now Jesus Christ.

Pastor Adeboye is getting increasingly carried away by vanity. I have a tape of a question-and-answer session he had with his church-workers a number of years ago in which he boasted that the time would soon come when, before anybody could aspire to be president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, he would first have to talk to Redeemed Church. Nothing in the scriptures can be construed as suggesting this as one of the stated objectives of Jesus Christ.

A Redeemed church member told me of another meeting he attended captioned: “A Day Out with the G.O.” It was a dinner for financial sponsors of one of the annual “Holy Ghost Festivals.” Pastor Adeboye boasted tongue-in-cheek on that occasion that the time would soon come when the Queen of England would plead to join Redeemed in order to work as an usherette. The audience reportedly responded with wild applause and shouts of “Amen.”

RICHER THAN BILL GATES

At the just-concluded 63rd Annual Convention of the Redeemed Church, Adeboye declared that he is now richer than Bill Gates; widely acknowledged as the richest man in the world. He said: “I have houses in at least 188 countries in the world, where we have our churches, so I am richer than Bill Gates. Each time I visit these countries, my children would be struggling and saying daddy, come and stay with me.”

These “houses” don’t belong to Adeboye; they belong to Redeemed church. Knowingly or unknowingly, Adeboye distorts the gospel. Jesus says: “All who have given up home or brothers and sisters or father and mother or children or land for me will be given a hundred times as much. They will also have eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29).

However, Jesus words are spirit. (John 6:63). Therefore, his “houses” are entirely spiritual, while Adeboye’s are physical. Jesus does not make his disciples richer than Bill Gates. Instead, he says: “God will bless you people who are poor. His kingdom belongs to you! But you rich people are in for trouble. You have already had an easy life!” (Luke 6:20/24).

Adeboye continued: “If I announce here that tomorrow morning, I need a car to travel to the new auditorium, how many cars do you think would be made available to me by you my children? Those of you that do not have a car of your own, very soon, God will give you your own cars. So, I am appealing to you to become an incurable soul winner before you leave this convention ground and your cup will overflow.”

ANATHEMA TO CHRIST

This is nothing but the enticing word of man’s wisdom. Believers don’t preach the gospel in order to receive cars. We do because God commands that we do so.

Jesus had neither chariots nor horses. He had no lands and houses. Indeed, he warned a prospective disciple who wanted to follow him they would not be staying at the “Sheraton Hotel:” “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20).

Jesus does not speak like Adeboye. He says: “A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master.” (Matthew 10:24-25). Jesus’ example is anathema to Adeboye’s declaration that he is now the richest man in the world.

This is the word of Jesus the Adeboyes of this age choose to ignore: “It’s terribly hard for rich people to get into the kingdom of heaven! In fact, it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into God’s kingdom.” (Matthew 19:23-24).

AMAZING GRACE: THE PROBLEM WITH PAUL BIYA

AMAZING GRACE: THE PROBLEM WITH PAUL BIYA: OPENING STATEMENT I wrote this article in February of last year, 2015,...

THE PROBLEM WITH PAUL BIYA

OPENING STATEMENT

I wrote this article in February of last year, 2015, shortly after Cameroon`s President Paul Biya turned 82, and still firmly in power. As we approach his 83rd birthday next month February 2016 with him still firmly in power, I am bringing another angle to the debate about whether he should go or stay.
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About a week ago, on the 13^th of this month of February, President Paul Biya of Cameroon celebrated his 82^nd birthday. It was not a national event but a family affair. Even so, it carried some significance. 

A POLITICAL DINOSAUR

Firstly, that anniversary was an indication that rightly or wrongly, he had outlived the “three score and ten” years stated in the bible. Interestingly, when the late American President Ronald Reagan hit a similar age, he remarked that he was now “living on borrowed time”, which meant that the added years were a bonus from God and not an attribution of his by any right.

A close look at Biya leads one to the conclusion he  is a contradiction in terms in the sense that for someone his age, he still looks quite fit and although it is not necessarily anyone`s wish, he could still carry on as President of the Republic for another ten years, if he wishes. By all indications, he can still ride his bicycle (a favourite sport of his), he can spend hours standing receiving dignitaries and delivering speeches. He does not use a walking stick and does not appear to have memory lapses. 

AN OVERSTAYED WELCOME

Even so, the fact remains that he has ruled the country for “too long”. He acceded to the presidency of the republic in 1982 when his predecessor, Cameroon`s pioneer president, Ahmadou Ahidjo stepped down. That means Biya has been in power for a record 32 years, in fact, 33, come May of this year. That makes him one of the longest-serving presidents on the African continent. He has by far outlived Ahidjo`s 24 years in power. Yet, in Ahidjo`s days, Cameroon and the world were alarmed that a single president could have been in power for so long, a little short of a quarter of a century.

BIYA`S GRAND CHILDREN

As might be expected, not every Cameroonian approves of Biya`s extended rule over the nation, which lends credence to the argument that familiarity breeds contempt. The truth is that people born at the time he became president are now big grown-up adults with perhaps some of them becoming grandparents. What is even more acute is the fact that Biya had the constitution amended in order to remove the clause that limited the presidential tenure.

ACTS OF DISAPPROVAL

Those who disapprove of his perpetuated stay in power have made it known in many ways. Some have insulted him. In fact, Fru Ferdinand who used to be Section President of the CPDM in the United Kingdom once described Biya as “the most insulted president in the world”. Volumes of published criticisms have been leveled at Biya  nationally and internationally. Ni John Fru Ndi, leader of Cameroon`s main opposition party, the SDF once described him as “a thief who stole my victory” (an obvious reference to the 1992 presidential election which Fru Ndi is widely believed to have won but in which the Supreme Court declared Biya as the victor).  Attempts have been made by Biya`s detractors to have him tried in courts abroad for alleged corruption. Demonstrations have been held to protest against his visits to foreign countries such as the United States. Members of the Tekumbeng women`s secret society who parade the streets stark naked when they are in action appeared on the streets of Bamenda to “denounce and curse Biya”.  Opposition demonstrations carried posters of him with blood oozing from his mouth and visible on his hands to show that he was a killer. Writers on social media have given him all kinds of names such “Satan Biya”. All of that has happened. Yet he is still firmly in power.

BUT WHAT IS BIYA`S TRUMP CARD?

The question now is for how much longer? Well, normally until the next presidential election in three years` time. But then again he could surprise everyone and step down before that time. He could easily call early elections and run or not run as a candidate.  If that were to happen, would his opponents be ready for the match? 

Right now, despite Biya`s “sins”, he still has the backing of foreign countries. None of the major countries of the West has withdrawn its ambassador as a measure of protest. Instead, they are all stepping up aid and assistance to Cameroon. A few years ago, when the new purpose-built American embassy in Yaounde was being formally opened, the then American Ambassador said that the fact that they had decided to build their own compound in Cameroon was a sign that American had “come to stay.” It is interesting that quite close to the embassy, is a home that Biya said to have been built by Biya for his retirement.

THE CRUX OF THE MATTER

Inherently, the problem is not only Paul Biya. It is also us Cameroonians. It is Cameroonians who despite his numerous shortcomings, have failed to remove him from power. By so doing, the Cameroonian people have robbed themselves of the opportunity of change. Yet change is refreshing and brings about new ways of thinking and doing things.

AN UNCOORDINATED ATTACK

 The opposition that could have done it through the ballot box has failed because it contains too many political parties, the reason being that each party leader wants to be the next president of the Republic. The media has failed because media moguls do not pay their employees well and thus drive them to unorthodox alternative methods of earning a living. The media has also failed because media organs accept grants from the very regime they are meant to put in the hot seat. Such a relationship strongly compromises the independence and objectivity of the media. The elite has failed because it has been using a counter-productive weapon which is  that of insults and denigration directed at Paul Biya - and in some cases -  the country, Cameroon. They do not seem to realize that the anger they have fueled has not solved the problem.

THE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

Yet there exist a considerable number of avenues these groups could use to get Paul Biya out, if they were really strong. A typical example is the time of crisis such as now when the entire nation stands threatened by the Islamic sect, Boko Haram. This is a time when Cameroonians – regardless of their political leanings – should have stood together in denouncing the “enemy”. Perhaps some of them are hoping that through the weakening of the state by the external attack, Paul Biya may be swept out. That may be so. But what if that does not happen? Again they are missing a golden opportunity to endear the Cameroonian people to themselves because no one likes to live in an insecure country.

PICKING UP THE WRONG END OF THE STICK

Angry critics argue – and not without justification – that after such a long period in office, Biya should go. There is even a “Biya Must Go” campaign being waged on the internet. To substantiate the claim the examples of other leaders who left “before it was too late” such as Pope Benedict the 6^th and Nelson Mandela are cited. Even so, the truth is that not every leader is a Pope Benedict or a Nelson Mandela. Besides, the counter argument is that there are other presidents who have refused to go and have even died in power. 

Another bone of contention is that of the issue of the Southern Cameroons whose proponents basically contend that Anglophones were tricked and have been subjected to the role of second class citizens. So far, the movement has stopped short of becoming a political party, perhaps because it feels that if it did so it would be playing into the hands of the enemy. One of the fundamental flaws of the movement is that it is not only divided but poorly organized. It seems to lack a clear-cut vision and most of the time, when it states its case, it spends at least 75 per cent of the time analyzing and re-analyzing the problem rather than looking at how to get out of it. One of its hopes is that the UN will get up one day and declare that the Southern Cameroons are “free and independent”. Strictly speaking, that is wishful thinking because the UN is not in the business of breaking up “countries”. However, when a territory fights its way to independence and freedom, then the UN can recognize it. Some of the decisions of the movement are arbitrary, one of which is the justification for the cut-off point they have chosen. Why go back to the “distant’ days of the Southern Cameroons and not the more recent times when there existed an Anglophone State of West Cameroon that enjoyed equality with the Francophone State of East Cameroon? Anglophones who ran the affairs of their state at the time proved that they could govern a country well. In fact some of the national policies at the time have now been espoused by the current Republic that includes both the Anglophone and the Francophone. One of them is the shift from the typically Francophone two-shift system of work to the typically Anglophone one-shift. Another question is why the cut-off point has not been the highly productive period Cameroon as a whole spent under German colonial rule. There was then no division between Anglophone and Francophone. What`s more, the Germans left behind a considerable number of development landmarks. So, why not yearn for that period?

Although the Southern Cameroons lobby group claims to be championing the cause of the Anglophone, it is also a fact that on that very issue, there are divisions among Anglophones. Otherwise, how can one explain the fact that contrary to the above group that wants “separation’’, other members of the Anglophone community have opted to work with the Francophone, examples being the several Anglophone candidates who ran against Paul Biya at the 2011 presidential election,  as well as Anglophone members in the Senate and the National Assembly, to name those. So, frankly, the Southern Cameroons adherents ought to rethink their position. Interestingly, in all of this debate, one opinion leader, Mola Njoh Litumbe states that talk about a “union” between the two peoples is unacceptable because according to him, “there was never any such union”.

THE WAY FORWARD

There are a number of ways in which the desired change can be made to happen. Nonetheless, the first step in that direction must consist of those driving for change to admit that the methods they have used so far have not worked. So they must pull back, like a football team that at half time is being led by the other side, in order to rethink their strategy. So far, Biya has defied them and is still standing tall. 

By all accounts, the ballot box remains the most credible way in which to bring about change. For this to happen, the opposition must unite. It must have a single vision and act on it. There is need to refrain from attacking Paul Biya as a person and instead focus on telling the electorate how things will be done better if they came to power. Cameroonians in the Diaspora must realize that so far their antagonistic method of opposition has failed. It would be better for them to team up with the opposition and empower it so that it gets to power. 

 Advocates of the Southern Cameroons must decide what they want. But they must realize that far from being handed on a platter of gold, power is fought for and captured. That approach calls for sacrifice. But they must be careful not to turn sacrifice into suicide like did the people of the self-proclaimed Republic of Biafra that declared its independence from the Federation of Nigeria but then lost and was forced to return and live in the status quo.

To dethrone Paul Biya is not a day`s job, neither is it a cup of tea. Anyone who is thinking seriously of doing it must come up with a game plan that is feasible.